I feel a bit nervous to write all of this, but here goes. A lot of what my life looks like is that I’m confident. Some people ask me how I got so fearless. But the people who know me best know that I suffer from low-self esteem in multiple areas of my self and my life.
When it comes to my art and Diggs Deeper I do not struggle with confidence. I don’t even really struggle with the process or the ups and downs. However when it comes to my career, even sometimes my looks (depends on the day), when it comes to my worth to others, I very much lack consistency in loving myself there.
And I’m beginning to realize that any area where I don’t have this self-love and acceptance ISN’T working right now. I’ve been in a lot of transition these past few months, both internally and logistically and I feel I am coming to the next turn.
I AM READY for COMPLETE self-love and self-respect, not just having it in certain areas. I really can finally say that. Someone asked me to repeat that as an affirmation the other day (that I was ready) and I couldn’t. I just kept breathing and tearing up.
I want to share this with you bc so many times myself (and I believe others) don’t share these darker, unhealed parts of themselves. Either they don’t want others to worry, or they want to look good, or they just seclude themselves. But then, I feel, we begin to look at those online lives and think they’re happy all the time, or secure, or in my case, fearless. I am not fearless. I am terrified of a lot of things and I try to predict and protect from being hurt again.
But I don’t want to do that anymore. Today I spent an hour with myself, journaling, reflecting, meditating and in prayer, asking God what to do. I had been asking other people what to do instead of Christ. Talk about false idols… And when I heard the answers from Christ they finally felt so solid and true for me.
And because I want to grow my self-love so strong that its unshakable, because I want to completely accept who I am, where I am, what I am, what I look like, and what I am for others, I have to commit to a relationship with myself for ever. I have to marry this relationship of self-love. I have to choose me, and marry me, exactly how I am, and prioritize this connection to Christ always.
So, if you’re still reading (I now have tears in my eyes btw) I’m starting this process with a public 100 days of self-love journey. If you feel like you have a part of you that you want to grow, search through, seek out, strengthen, inspire others with, in any way if you’d like to join me, please comment or inbox me your email address and each day I will send you my daily thoughts.
I feel calm, grounded, and nervous. Even though this is an emotional exploration, I want to be grounded and steady. Rock steady. I believe that with this solid start of 100 days, the momentum will be enough to really alter my life and how it really works, and this will be a new way of life for me. Then I won’t be fearless, but perhaps courageous, and a whole lot of totally cool with wherever I am inside of any of it, cuz I got me.
Please send love and prayer. I’m ready for this! (Still tearing) Thanks for reading all of that. Sending you some love right back.