Good morning everyone!
Ok, so as promised I wanted to share with you all some breakthroughs I’ve had.
The first one I want to share with you is around my fear of getting too intimate with something, including myself. I took a look at old “scripts” I had running through my mind when dealing with certain circumstances. I realized that not committing all the way to something was a much safer way of being, I wouldn’t have that ripped away from me if I wasn’t connected to it so deeply. So instead of doing something all the way, I would do it almost all the way. Some people half-ass it, but not me, I would 7/8s ass it 😉 That had me feeling like I was powerful. But it was my own mind trick. What I really want is to be able to be fully committed to something, with all of myself, my art projects, my intimacy with Self, and with some others, to be really fully present and all the way intimate with who I am, and with completion. Taking a look at this “script” really offered me a lot bc I realized a pretty across-the-board blockage that was keeping me from greatness.
Secondly, somewhat underneath that or more expansive, I had a breakthrough around creating outcome vs doing what I want to do be doing. Far too often in intimate relationships I find myself trying to create a great outcome instead of just absolutely being responsible for the outcome of my own joy. I tend to try to please others, or create a peaceful environment. Those are great traits, but the focus of self-love is self-loving. Its not a mission, its a journey. And so I’m reminded that in order to be present, I can’t be forcing an outcome. I am responsible for how my life turns out, and what better way than to make sure my Self and my relationship with Christ are top priority.
This continuous “Looking” has definitely helped me grow, AND I need to step onto the plate more once the challenges come. I also find that I can almost always see the breakthrough, and some people can’t, but sometimes I’ll be in the challenging moment and can’t “win,” if you will, simply because sometimes I’m afraid to step up to the plate. Not swinging and missing, but not swinging.
I will continue to pray for courage to step up to the plate!
What are your scripts and where are you stopping yourself?
Thank you all for being on the other side!